Reflection & Taking Action to Unlock Success
Self reflection is one of the most underused yet powerful tools for success. - Richard Carlson
This week on Learning to Lead live we continued with our series on success and the need to plant and nurture our seeds of success and this week we wrap up the series with Reflection and Taking Action.
Taking Action: Making conscious choices, acting in alignment with our values and facing challenges
Practicing Reflection: Reviewing our thoughts, action and impact, while learning from experiences
PART 1 - TAKING ACTION: What does taking action mean?
Making hard decisions and/or choices
Gave some tough feedback
Stood up for what you believed in, even though the cost was high
Honored your boundaries
Stood on a principle
When we take action, we lead with courage.
We run towards the fire vs away from it.
We do hard things because it is the right thing to do
We stand up when others tell us to stand down
We act even when the costs are quite high
When we get knocked down – we get back up!
We will explore three areas related to taking action:
Making conscious choices
Acting in alignment with your values
Facing challenges
Making Conscious Choices:
Taking action does not always require us to charge in alone, sometimes it is as simple as making a few more conscious choices throughout the day that align with our values and the impact we want to have on others.
The vast majority of decisions are made unconsciously (e.g., brushing teeth etc.). Conscious choices are another powerful tool in our leadership development toolbox - acting on purpose with purpose!
Unconscious responses are fight-or-flight (happens in a few hundred million seconds) responses. Our brains evolved to keep us safe – requiring us to be fast – not logical. Yet we can consciously choose our behaviors if we are aware.
We may not be able to head off what author Daniel Goleman calls the “Initial emotional hijack”, but we can catch up to it. For example, you are walking into a meeting you know will be emotionally hijacked by those attending or by the subject. You also know you want to have a positive impact on others. When you’re your hand on the doorknob, before you walk in, hit the PAUSE button and mentally ask yourself “How will I stay calm and present? What do I need to do to adapt my approach to be more effective? What can I do in this moment that aligns with my values & purpose? -then act on that assessment. Pausing is not a lack of action; it is taking a moment to consciously choose.
Acting in alignment with your Values:
Acting with our values is easy when the stakes are low. For example, I am a hard worker, so it’s easy to work hard and it’s made me successful. But what happens when that value of hard work leads me to work too many hours, travel too much, and not have time for family or those I value?
It can be challenging when we don’t have the skills or the practice to act in alignment with our values in tough situations. Being clear about what is important to us in those moments allows us to act on our deepest held beliefs.
Facing Challenges:
Each challenge looks different (conflicts we hope to avoid, emotions we don’t want to express, facing bosses, customers or family).
We all have people and situations we would rather not deal with or face. Fear is typically what holds us back, not the person or event. It is the voice in our head that is our enemy and the only cure is to take action.
How do we face leadership challenges?
Recognize the challenges vs avoiding or rationalizing what we think is going to happen or ignoring our fears.
We may come up with reasons why running away from the fire is the right thing to do and sometimes it is, but often we are playing it safe and settling for less than ideal outcomes.
Leadership is a choice and in those moments, we are choosing not to lead.
Facing challenges mostly means facing our own fears, making a choice in spite of them and accepting the consequences. There is no silver bullet or way to become stronger or more powerful.
By facing challenges, we strengthen our ability to face future challenges. We build muscles to act with confidence and courage.
Resiliency allows us to get back up when we get knocked down. Resilient people do not believe they are bad for getting knocked down, they think they are good and worthy and have hope that the future will be better than the past. They don’t internalize or catastrophize or play the victim for long; They get back up.
PART 2 - PRACTICING REFLECTION
How often do we pause to learn? Athletes, actors & musicians record their performances and watch the tape making notes about what they can do to improve. The act of reflection gives us the chance to grow from our experiences, learning from success and mistakes.
To get the most out of lessons that life teaches us, there are three areas to practicing reflection:
Reviewing your thoughts, actions and impact
Learning from experience
Applying the lessons
Reviewing your thoughts, actions and impact
Our actions impact others whether we recognize it or not. Our actions lift others up, leaving them inspired & standing a bit taller OR we can knock them down, leaving them hurt and more diminished than we found them.
The question is not what impact we want to have, but rather what impact we are actually having on others. Both our thoughts and actions have an impact. Thoughts lead to emotional responses to an event influencing the choices we make, and actions we take resulting in an impact.
Pay attention to thoughts by: Practicing mindfulness (meditation) and noticing thoughts without judgement; Focusing on what is in our control rather than what is not in our control.
Ideas to practice reflection:
Book “The fifth Discipline” Peter Senge offers a great way to reflect: Split a piece of paper in half. What you are thinking goes on one side and what was actually said goes on the other. This is a great way to map your ladder of inference, which is the process you go through in your head, often in a split second, that determines what you will do in a given situation based on your own filters, judgments and emotions.
Journaling: Notice your thoughts, feelings and actions and look back over time for trends. This is a great way to build your skill of mindfulness to notice what you are thinking and feeling at any given moment.
Keep a pad next to your bed: when you wake up in the middle of the night with a thought or fear or to-do, jot it down and go back to sleep.
Hire a coach: talking and reflecting with others can help us sort through thoughts and emotions to recognize patterns. Coaches are a great resource for this being neutral and supportive.
Learning from Experience:
Learning is not just a mental skill; it is a physical skill as well. Learning requires time, energy and most of all practice. This is why people struggle to exercise, quit smoking, or eat differently. It’s hard work & THE BRAIN DOESN’T WANT TO CHANGE.
Learning from experience draws lessons from the review of our thoughts, actions and impact, like watching our performance to assess what might have gone wrong or what we want or need to change.
Reflecting beyond today:
Practicing reflection can extend beyond one day. You can reflect back on a month, year or your entire life. Understanding how experiences have shaped us can help us build a clearer picture of who we are and who we could be.
Sometimes it helps to sketch out a timeline of significant events and to describe the impact of those events:
The first benefit of a timeline like this is that it can describe the themes that have shaped us over time & raise our awareness of what we really believe.
The second benefit of practicing reflection using a timeline is that while the events in our lives may have shared with us, they do not define us!
Consider your values & beliefs and the assumptions they are built on. What significant events in your life shaped those values, beliefs, and assumptions? For each event, how did it shape who you are and what you believe?
There is an idea in adult learning and psychology that we are self-authors. We write our own storylines, complete with heroes & villains, and we determine what impact those events have on us. It’s a pretty advanced way of thinking about our lives, especially the idea that we can choose what story we tell and determine how events have impacted us. We have a lot of BS narratives in our heads that we have to manage.
Apply the lessons
Applying lessons allows us to draw from our experience is about practice.
It takes time & repetition to form new connections & new habits.
It may be clunky & awkward when we try something new.
It may feel inefficient or like a waste of time or even strange
We might fail again and again
When practicing new skills we go through an awkward phase then a mechanical phase and finally an instinctive phase.
Applying lesson may feel awkward and mechanical. We must consciously remember and choose to practice the skill. It’s the first awkward phase that most people quit because it’s difficult and we may feel like a phony.
Things to keep in mind about applying the lessons.
Growth is slow and we are always learning
Making deep fundamental change takes work, effort and conscious choices
Practicing reflection helps us learn from experiences, draw inspiration and lessons from our successes & failures & apply learnings to future choices.
The journey is powerful and transformational
Whether a formal leader or someone who wants to be a better person, growth starts with a choice to work on ourselves first & take responsibility for our choices & the impact we have on others.
These concepts behind the seeds of success are interdependent, they naturally complement and strengthen one another when used together. Building awareness helps develop relationships, just as Realizing Potential helps informs Taking Action. These all occur simultaneously in no particular order
The best way to start is to start.
"Leadership is a choice, not a title. And leadership starts when we choose to work on ourselves.” -Thomas Epperson
Listen to the Full Replay
The next Learning to Lead Live event will be on Saturday, June 11 @ 9:30 am PDT. The topic will be shared on Wednesday (June 8) so be sure to subscribe for updates and reminders!
Resources
Planting Seeds of Success Week One: Defining success and values - a recap from our first discussion in this series
Seeds of Success Week Two: Building Awareness - a recap from our second discussion in this series
Seeds of Success Week Two: Realizing Your Potential - a recap from our third discussion in this series
The Fifth Discipline by Peter Senge: Senge describes how companies can rid themselves of the learning blocks that threaten their productivity and success by adopting the strategies of learning organizations, in which new and expansive patterns of thinking are nurtured, collective aspiration is set free, and people are continually learning how to create the results they truly desire.
Wheel of life: A great resource for reflection. Look at each spoke and rate how you are feeling about each section in alignment with how you are integrating each spoke into your daily life and in alignment with your values.
Immunity to Change by Robert Kegan & Lisa Laskow Lahey: authors Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey show how our individual beliefs--along with the collective mindsets in our organizations--combine to create a natural but powerful immunity to change. By revealing how this mechanism holds us back, Kegan and Lahey give us the keys to unlock our potential and finally move forward. And by pinpointing and uprooting our own immunities to change, we can bring our organizations forward with us.
Newsletters I read daily to stay informed and get inspired: The Hustle, Morning Brew, Seth Godin’s Blog, Atlas Obscura, Oprah Daily
Events
2022 Leading Entrepreneurs of the World Conference - June 6-10, 2022: As one of the most comprehensive entrepreneurial events, the LEW Conference features 5 days of virtual business presentations, digital interviews, discussions, and roundtables with the world's leading entrepreneurs and business leaders.
The Chief in Tech Summit - June 7, 2022: The Chief in Tech Summit by WomenTech Network brings together senior tech leaders, VPs, and C-level executives in technology-driven companies to address today's biggest challenges and shape the future.
Women in Tech Global Conference 2022 (WomenTech Network) - June 7-10, 2022: The hybrid conference will bring women in tech, minorities and allies from all over the world together through an interactive platform featuring live ceremonies, keynotes, engaging panels, breakout rooms, country & chapter leader sessions, technical workshops, and networking with virtual and in-person sessions.
Learning to Lead LIVE
The next Learning to Lead Live event will be on Saturday, June 11 @ 9:30 am PDT. The topic will be shared on Wednesday (June 8) so be sure to subscribe for updates and reminders!
Networking & Job Openings
Are you hiring? Send your job to be included in this newsletter and connect with leaders in our network
If you are enjoying this content:
Consider joining us live Saturdays from 9:30-10:30 am PT on Clubhouse
Share it with a friend!
Show your appreciation by buying me a coffee